February 14th is Valentine's Day, the day we celebrate our loved ones with a romantic treat. So let's delve into the mysteries of love. Let's explore the biological basis of our most passionate emotions. Let's consider what happens in the brain when we flirt, when we fall in love, and when we love each other for a long time.
We often talk about the chemistry between two people, and we have no idea how accurate this image is. It's actually chemical substances in the brain that are responsible for love and pair bonding, namely the hormones and neurotransmitters (the messengers between nerve cells) dopamine, noradrenaline, serotonin, oxytocin, and vasopressin. But let's take a closer look:
The first seconds - the flirt
Let's start with the first eye contact: two pairs of eyes meet across the room, lock eyes, and smile. When this happens, neurons in an area of the brain called the orbitofrontal cortex become active. The orbitofrontal cortex is part of the frontal lobe and lies above the eye sockets. It is responsible for decision-making, emotion control, and the interpretation of facial expressions. When two people make eye contact and are truly attracted to each other, this area of the brain "lights up" in both of them, like two lightbulbs connected together. (Of course, nothing lights up in the brain, but it looks that way on imaging tests.)
The first months - being in love
Brain researchers used magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) to examine couples who had been together for a few months, meaning they were still in love. When these subjects were shown photos of strangers under MRI, nothing unusual happened. However, when they were shown photos of their partner, a brain region responsible for feelings of reward and happiness "lit up" like a Christmas tree. This brain region primarily uses the neurotransmitter dopamine, but noradrenaline and serotonin also appear to play a role in falling in love.
Years later - love
But when this dopamine-noradrenaline-serotonin high is over, what then? Brain chemistry is also responsible for long-term relationships and monogamy. This is where oxytocin and vasopressin come into play, although this has been proven negatively. Neuroscientists in Sweden have discovered that men with a gene variant that makes them less responsive to vasopressin have difficulty maintaining stable and satisfying relationships with their partners. This has therefore been referred to – perhaps somewhat prematurely – as the divorce gene. However, the important role of vasopressin and oxytocin in monogamous behavior seems to be established, as it has also been confirmed in monogamous animal species.
However, it is not only monogamy that is important for a stable partnership, but also, according to brain research, a number of cognitive-emotional skills, namely:
- Empathy
- Control of emotions
- Ignoring negative characteristics of the partner
So, if you are able to show empathy when it comes to relationship problems, can control your emotions well, and can see the positive sides of your partner rather than the flaws, then you have a good chance of a long-lasting relationship.
So on Valentine's Day, give roses, chocolates or another little gift decorated with hearts, but remember, love may be a matter of the heart, but it is much more a matter of the brain.
